xxAritxx

    I wish that I could close my eyes and fall backward into a cesspool of my ever existing tears, just so I could bask in the bitter sweet saltiness of all that I have overcome. I wish that I would drown a little so that I my heart would let go of all the anxiety and irrational fears that have built within me over the past few years, I wish that just for a few moments I could concentrate solely on vitality itself forgetting all that has little worth in my life. I wish that my eyes would burn forcing me to let go the judgemental aspects of myself, heightening my other senses to embrace the world in a completely different fashion. I

I'm not fully certain as to how I should start this off, but basically I've been enduring some very realistic self refection and have come to think more deeply about my social anxiety. When I was a child I had a lot of confidence and I didn't realize how important it really was until I lost it. I'm happy to say that I was never insecure about my features, my personality or my physique. I noticed that I changed when I started going to school and I basically learned to be ashamed of myself. I was bullied and made fun of and I didn't know how to deal or cope with it and I think that when it initially started happening that I hid it from everyone

I feel I no longer know what is right.. I don't feel I can survive in such a state... my desire for possessions is incomparable to the yearning I have for the people who used to be there in my life, who regardless of what may have happened seem to still exist in my heart... I think that it's ridiculous and weak how tightly I hold on to those who have hurt me, my mind focused on facts, doesn't desire their attention and yet my heart so boldly screams for their presence. What would happen if you could hear the sound of my heart... so weakly beating... causing delusions of hope in my life... on a clear note, I know for you there is no return and